I said I would grant you a sky full of dramatic cumulus that seemed unending. I promised you a place that was better. And though I said it, it was not of me for I do not have the power to grant skies and I don't have better places to promise. I helped those people. I reached out and saved them from death. And even though I was there, it was not me, for I was not there. I suffered and I wondered why. I wondered why others had the power to risk my life and put me in danger. I was mad. I thought, I too have a life, and I too have people I love. Who are they to demand I lay myself on that river bank and wait like a sitting duck to be torn apart by the "opposition"? But I was not there and I was not at risk. When I spoke of the event, I did so as though I was making up the occurence. But I did not create that terrible event. In my guilt, I work hard to develop a reason for it all and the reasons make fearful sense. Even so, I did not make it happen.
Hmmm, if I would have remembered before being reminded, I would have gone fishing just for old times sakes. Does God let you go fishing in Heaven?
Lately I have returned to seeing things in addition to those that I expect to be in my field of vision. I have always seemed to have something strange occur regarding my vision and it seemed then to be somehow associated with blood sugar levels or something like that as the occurences usually coincided with a weak, sweaty, shaky feeling and a craving for something like apple pie. Those occurences though usually included seeing the commonly described spots and a washout of colors. When things were at their worst, I would see stationary objects like rocks or pieces of wood suddenly take flight right in front of me. The visions were so realistic that I would duck to avoid being hit by the flying items while observers probably thought I was on drugs. I have also had other types of visions but those seem unassociated so I will not elaborate for fear of self-incrimination. Now then, about my current visions, I have been seeing a black dot seem to run or fly across my field. This dot is not fuzzy like the alleged sugar associated spots I mentioned earlier. This dot seems to give the impression that a large insect or something is running right across my path. Sometimes it startles me slightly. It has become persistent and consistent enough that I have come to figure it might be a particle in my eye or some other eye-related problem. I have, however, put this explanation on hold while I try to understand the latest twist that I have been experiencing. A large block of multicolored light began appearing. This sudden appearance would surprise me and make me jump a bit and then it would disappear. However the block is starting to last a little longer now as I get more accustomed to seeing it. The last two times I saw it, it appeared to be a vision of another scene--right on top of my normal field of vision. The best way I can describe it is as the PIP feature on some televisions where you can put a small picture of one channel or video source superimposed upon the screen which is showing another channel or video source at full size. I believe this feature is usually called Picture-In-Picture. I have noticed that the smaller picture is beginning to develop more detail. I cannot see yet for sure what is going on in the other picture but it definitely is not associated with the regular scene I am seeing. My last experience gave me the impression that two people were in the scene. I saw this when I was in a room by myself so those other two people were not a part of my then present state or at least, they were not in my same state of being. I am getting feelings that these visions may develop into a vision of the future or maybe of the past or maybe even of something occurring somewhere else simultaneously or possibly in another dimension? Okay, enough of that, I guess I will just have to see what happens as these visions continue to develop if they continue to develop.
This is just a test of the newly installed memory.
So many of the bravest, most noble and selfless acts occur when things are at their worst. It takes Hell to make Heaven.
Happy Birthday DRB. You are missed. Many days these days fail to measure up to those days.
Has anybody found Michael Crichton's latest book interesting in light of the current events?
You symbolize a new beginning. Happy Birthday KB (KW) (yes you), my love!!!